Simple Life Lessons

There are many lessons I learned during my years at Cirque du Soleil... some of them I now use to inspire as a speaker because they relate and lend to the business world. Other lessons focus on who we are as individuals, as humans. All the lessons have helped me grow as a person and I gadly share them.

One of the biggest take aways from my 5 years in the company were the lesson learned about integrity and being authentic - being true to who we are and not being afraid of our individuality or expressing it; qualities Cirque thrived on and inspired us to be, encouraged us to do, including being CHILDLIKE and in the moment.

Here is an excerpt from the sequel to FLYING WITHOUT A NET (Flying Without a Net 2.0).

CHAPTER 13 ~ The Cirque Audition… continued ~

There I stood below the trapeze; confused—a part of me fearless, the other half trembling.

The first part of the Cirque du Soleil audition had been a whirlwind of exploration, discovery, some really crazy shit, and a sturdy reminder to let go of conformity, feel and express without inhibition. Debbie Brown’s creative insanity left me none the wiser, only more curious and eager to play, be silly and have fun at the expense of the clowns, midgets and sword-swallowers I thought lived at the back in trailers.

The coach, Pierre, and his quiet assistant whose name I don’t remember, placed me into a harness. It fit snug around the waist. It squeezed my inner thighs and everything in between. They attached the belt to the bungee cords by a clip that mountain climbers use.

Pierre began my crash course like he had done to the other dancers...

...Instead of dancing up there as the other dancers had done, I played like a child on Christmas day. I made up several silly spur of the moment moves: the suspended swimming frog, followed by the flying monkey, ending with the slow motion astronaut and the seventies aerial robot. I went from zero to genuine clown in under six seconds.

 “It’s fun, non?” asked Pierre.

Debbie and Pierre congratulated me.

I had apparently captured their attention, imagination and curiosity despite having no idea what I was doing. It sometimes pays to be vulnerable and authentic and just do without a plan or a sense of direction—to be spontaneous regardless of circumstance—to reconnect with one’s forgotten inner child and just be.

"It's not always easy to be in the moment, authentic and let go of your inhibitions to be free, to be vulnerable and childlike. But when I do, good things happen!"

It’s worth taking the risk of showing the world who you really are!

Finding and Understanding Who You Really Are

Discovering the self is no easy feat. We rarely take the time to be deeply introspective to understand who we were, what we like, what we stand for, what we need, what we desire, why we make the choices we do… the list go questions is endless.

In taking the time to understand the essence of who you are (your core values), you will find many answers to why certain things in your life happened based on the choices you take. You will understand some of the choices you’ve made regarding friendships, your partner, work and career etc. Most, kind of know their core values but haven’t really dissected them, empowering you to optimize them and elevate the essence of your character and personality.

Knowing and identifying your “north star” and your sense of purpose, will provide you with so much clarity moving forward in life. This activity has helped so many of personal coaching clients, leaders/executive clients and teams). You’ll find it in my book THINK LIKE AN ARTIST.

Here is a list of the top 30 recurring core values.

1.         Efficiency

2.         Balance

3.         Fairness

4.         Creativity

5.         Hard Work

6.        Learning

7.        Competence

8.        Compassion

9.        Community

10.     Security

11.      Loyalty

12.      Status

13.      Charity

14.      Teamwork

15.      Friendship

16.      Adventure

17.       Freedom

18.      Boldness

19.      Success

20.    Authority

21.      Recognition

22.     Spirituality

23.     Humility

24.    Diversity

25.     Humor

26.    Kindness

27.     Optimism

28.    Empathy

29.    Fun

30.    Accountability

Review them and eliminate 10 of them. You should have 20 left over.

Write those 20 on a digital or hard copy note pad.

Take those 20 Core Values you selected and narrow them down to 10!

Write those 10 on a digital or hard copy note pad.

But wait, there’s more! Let’s really do down the rabbit hole.

Look carefully at your list of 10 Core Values.

Do they define you?

Do you live by them?

If so, congrats.

If not, it could mean you are not living authentically. Adjust accordingly.

Down the wormhole we go!

Take those 10 Core Values you selected and narrowthem down to only 4! Yes, only 4.

A tip to help you narrow them down to only 4. You will find that some Values overlap. For example, compassion and empathyare very similar, so one could be eliminated. Same with charity and community.Write those 4 on a digital or hard copy note pad.

Even better, frame them.

That’s the essence of who you are!

Live by these last four core values. They define your character or personal brand. They will be your compass in any decision or choices you make moving forward. Align your life with the true authentic essence of who you are, and you will find deep inner harmony.

Know thyself.  Become thyself.

Vital Germaine

Interested in personal coaching?

6 priceless things about creative expression

ONE: It doesn’t matter the medium (crayons, oils, acting, musical instrument, writing/journaling, singing in the shower, dancing in the living room… ).

It doesn’t matter the quality or outcome.

TWO. It’s all about the journey of processing and releasing our emotions, traumas, wounds, fears… experiences.

THREE. It’s meditative, inviting you to be present, minimizing the external and internal noises of distraction.

FOUR: While being in the moment, you'll connect deeper with yourself, leading to understanding.

FIVE: It’s also better than dumping our hurt onto people we love and/or hate.

SIX: It also works a charm when expressing joy and gratitude.

Art has been the most effective, impactful therapy I can think of. It was in fact an integral strategy in recovering from the darkest of dark places. Learn more in my book PINK IS THE COLOR OF EMPATHY, which takes a deep look at mental health.

Vital Germaine

5 Decision-Making Tips

There is a "safe" strategy to optimize the outcome of your risks and minimize your losses. It’s a simple 5-Step roadmap.

1. EVALUATION: Compare and weigh out your best and worst-case-scenarios. Clearly define and understand the situation and the consequences.  Take the succesful Blackjack player. He/she, takes all aspects of risk into consideration before deciding to stick with the hand that’s been dealt or not dealt. What are the odds that the next card is what is desired? Before taking risks in your industry or business, ask such questions as:

• How influential will the value of that change be and how will the result impact your business, industry or economic landscape?

• Will the risk be too drastic or dramatic for the market to embrace?

• Do you have the time, the resources and an effective marketing strategy to subdue consumer resistance or confusion? Timing, packaging, and education of target audiences, play key roles in success or failure of any business venture, service or product.

• What can you live with in terms of loss? How much money is at stake and can you afford to lose that amount.

• What do market research percentages/data suggest? If the odds are in your favor, take the risk… consult step 2 to increase the odds or success.

2. EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE: Have a pulse on what the market is ready to embrace. If you have invested time in bullet point 1 (evaluation), then the accumulated data combined with your awareness of the market, customer purchasing behaviors and trends, will put you on track to succeeding. Be acutely aware that the market might resist regardless of how incredible the innovation is. Take into account how well your team is equipped to share the message. How much conviction and resources do you have up your sleeve to counter-act potential consumer alienation.

3. INTUITION: The great trailblazers and innovators connect with, and trust their intuition in conjunction with the element of planning and analyses (market research in business). The greats just seem to have a knack of knowing when and how to risk and expand their horizons. Intuition is not a blind act built purely on belief, it is your truest sense of knowledge. Intuition and instinct are not synonymous. Instinct is immediate and purely driven by the reptilian brain. Intuition includes your moral compass (values), gut, experience and the subconscious mind combining with your heart to tell you what is best or what is a negative vibe or energy.

Your gut or heart simply know. Modern research is showing that the heart sends more signals to the brain than the other way around. On a holistic level, the heart is connected to the source of universal knowledge. Police detective refer to this as a hunch… something they not only trust, but obey. Design a more promising future by connecting to your intuition. Leverage its power.

4. ADAPTATION: Innovation is a progressive journey that demands strategic change and adaptation. The willingness to fail along that journey is a must... there is always a period of incubation and a learning curve to navigate. Risk and innovation require patient nurturing while the product is sculpted. Without an ability to adapt, all and any risks are borderline reckless and ill-advised.

5. VISION: Let’s state the obvious. Without a clear vision (or mission), the venture is a train wreck in the making. Innovation offers no guarantees, though a plan or roadmap shortens the learning curve and the journey. Your vision should align with your core values. Integrity is a trait that delivers long term results. Your brand strength depends on it. Integrity inspires loyalty. Apple have had unsuccessful product launches, but years of integrity and honoring their vision, keeps clients coming back for the new innovation. Their clients know that Apple will quickly adapt and make it right. Think back to Microsoft’s Vista (a nightmare that took too long to fix).

The objective of all innovation is value creation. The outcome is optimized by minimizing consumer pain points and elevating the experience. It’s a tough and not so forgiving world out there. Be smart in your risk-taking.

To experience a deeper dive into the topic of risk and innovation, read the revised version of INNOVATION MINDSET - it includes new chapters and improved content. Learn to leverage your inner genius, reach higher and impact your leadership, cultural and personal mindset.

Vital Germaine

What's the difference between KIND and NICE? You need to know this.

I hope you want to be a kind person.

Hopefully you’re not a nice person.

Why?

Being kind and being nice are often used interchangeably to describe somebody’s character. They are fundamentally very different, despite having overlapping traits. Just like cars have overlapping traits with planes (they transport people, they use fuel, they have engines, they need repairing, they can both crash…), they are entirely different.

Let’s break it down.

What I’m about to share is more philosophical than scientifically factual. It is however a reality, or truth, in the sense that perception is reality.

1. NICE? Allow me to ignore political correctness simply for the sake of making a point, and let’s be boldly honest, “nice guys finish last!” Who even came up with that phrase?

It’s a common aphorism and attributed to Brooklyn Dodgers manager, Leo Durocher. He used it to describe New Orleans baseball great, Mel Ott (Giants) due to the fact that the Giants sat bottom of the league (1946). Leo Durocher “complimented” Mel Ott, saying, “Do you know a nicer guy than Mel Ott. Or any of the other Giants? And where are they? The nice guys over there are in last place!”

The phrase stuck! It suggested lack of passion, desire or grit to win; therefore weak, submissive, easily pushed aside, not valued or respected.

Are nice guys under valued etc? Whether or not they are factually undermined is irrelevant. They are perceived as weak… this applies to all genders and non-genders (to now be PC).

Let’s go deeper by reading my book, PINK IS THE COLOR OR EMPATHY

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

How to stop being the losing "nice guy" or people-pleaser type.

If you are viewed as, or view yourself as a nice person who tends to please people and wish to change that, here’s some help:

The two most frustrating side-effects of being a people pleaser is that you exhaust yourself being so focused on the well-being of others, and that you become angry at them for abusing you OR angry at yourself. Here’s a harsh truth. You should be angry at yourself more than them. Why? Because you trained them and enabled them to treat you the way they do. Ouch!

Being a people pleaser will slowly eat away at your soul and keep your self-esteem at a low level, inviting more people to abuse or take advantage of your over-zealous generosity. You have probably already reached this level if you’re reading this. It’s time to change for you own well-being.

It’s going to take courage and time to overturn something that you’ve probably been doing your entire adulthood, if not starting in childhood. The good news is, you’ve got this one step at a time.

Let’s begin this journey of transformation by identifying the top 10 traits of people-pleasers. This is a simplified bullet pointed list from a Psychology Today article by, Amy Morin, licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist.

1. You pretend to agree with everyone.

2. You feel responsible for how other people feel.

3. You apologize often.

4. You feel burdened by the things you have to do.

5. You can’t say no.

6. You feel uncomfortable if someone is angry at you.

7. You act like the people around you.

8. You need praise to feel good.

9. You go to great lengths to avoid conflict.

10. You don’t admit when your feelings are hurt.

You may or may not have all of these 10 character traits. If you have multiple of these then the odds are you are indeed a people pleaser. If you are ready to transform into a more confident and decisive person, read on. If you aren’t ready, no worries, I am not here to please you. I am here to inspire and empower you to reach higher, grow wings and fly without a net.

How to stop being so nice; a people pleaser.

How do I know all of this? Because I’ve travelled the journey, combined with extensive research. Coaching others to transform into more confident and decisive versions of themselves has also taught me much. I’m happy and honored to share.

1. Set boundaries. People pleasers tend to not set boundaries, let alone honor them. By not setting boundaries you are fully responsible for training people how to treat you. Learn and establish a goal to set boundaries at the onset of every single new relationship moving forward, starting today! Trying yourself to say “no” to simple and seemingly meaningless things just for the hell of it. Get used to saying no! Train them to learn you are willing to say no. Focus on this if as if your life depended on it… cause it kind of does; your wellbeing is on the line.

   For the relationships that already know you to have non-existent boundaries and who are already trained to know they can take advantage of you, establishing boundaries will cause great conflict. Be ready to experience conflict, even the death of those relationships. It’s all necessary, so don’t stop honoring your mission. It’s gonna suck. Keep at it.

2. Stop looking for external validation. This will take time and a lot of inner work to find the true source of self within you. Now, keep in mind, humans are social beings and our status and self worth is influenced by how we are perceived and treated. However, deep down inside, you need to have a strong sense of self and self worth. Take time to identify your strengths and stay focused on those things about you. Slowly minimize your need to rely on compliments to feel good about yourself. It’s a process. If you start the work today and are consistent, you’ll be surprised how quickly you can change.

3. Be aware that you are trying to people-please. All beginnings start with awareness that something is not the way you’d like it to be and that change is required. Being honest with yourself and accepting that, yes, you are the “loser type, people pleaser” will hurt and be upsetting. And ironically, that realization will weaken your already fragile self-esteem. Take the punch; a standing count. Get back up and begin the fight… today! You once were a people pleaser. That was yesterday. Today and tomorrow are different.

4. Visualize yourself standing up for yourself. Practice, practice, practice. It will take a while to get good at not people pleasing. Incremental steps and small weekly goals. Ask yourself, who you do people please the most and begin changing those interactions with conviction and finesse.

   Those people will now be upset at your new boundaries. They may get (probably will get) angry and disappointed with you, claiming you’ve changed. Hell yeah, you’ve changed! The new you may even cost you relationships because they will no longer benefit from your exaggerated benevolence. Who wants to give up that kind of perk? Very few. Deja vu??? Yes, I am intentionally repeating this. They could even try to manipulate you and accuse you of being mean, cold and difficult.

   Don’t become emotional! Logic and a cool head is required to navigate this selfish mirroring and blame shifting on their part. They know full-well they took advantage of you. Be stead fast in your transformation. Keep going. New and better relationships are around the corner. Time to get a new tribe.

5. You're not responsible for the feelings or problems of others. You are not everybody’s paren or babysitter. They are adults fully capable of making independent decisions and taking action to fix their problems and challenges. That shit is not your shit to fix!

6. Honor yourself … be KIND to yourself and live authentically. Some will call this self love. I prefer self care and/or self respect. As you honor yourself and establish new and solid boundaries, it may feel as if you are being mean. A hard “no” may sound insensitive and lacking empathy. Asking to have your needs and expectations met will feel aggressive to you. Keep going. Allow the pendulum to potential swing to the other extreme. In time you will find the happy medium. But now, for once, it must be all about you. You’ve got this.

Having said all of this, please remember that in your mission to toughen up and stop being a people pleaser, it’s still okay, if not recommended to always be kind.

How can you be kind and not be a people pleaser (a nice guy who finishes last)? Read my blog, What’s the difference between being kind and being nice. You need to know! If you’re committed about changing, I can and will help. Contact me for a FREE 15 minute coaching discovery session.

If you agree/disagree, or would like to add to this blog, I’d love to hear from you. Drop a comment.

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

Imposter Syndrome?

For the most part, self-doubt is the catalyst for a lack of self confidence. This inevitably leads to a sense of imposter syndrome if we have achieved a certain level of success before we truly believed we were ready, or deserved it.

Without self-confidence it becomes incredibly hard to fully achieve objectives and enjoy them. Not feeling confident in one’s abilities can prevent us meeting the right people (including romantic partners), and gain authentic credibility or any form of status. HOWEVER… self-doubt is not the actual enemy… when leveraged in healthy doses, self doubt or imposter syndrome can bring great value to your life and those you interact with. How’s that? Because it evokes the following:

1. SELF REFLECTION:

The main advantage of a healthy dose of imposter syndrome is that it triggers a need to re-evaluate, by asking the following question:

“Am I good enough?” If you truly feel like you’re not, the next step is to get back to work, learn and grow. Nothing wrong in continual growth. It’s a Kaizen thing,

“Do I deserve to be here.” Unless you got there through nepotism, a freak act of nature, chances are you deserve to be there. You probably earned the invitation to be in that room. Do you deserve to stay there is maybe a different answer? If you truly feel like you don’t deserved to be there, the next step is to get back to work, learn and grow. Nothing wrong in continual growth. It’s a Kaizen thing.

Any form of decision-making is well served with an element of self-awareness and questioning. Through self reflection/evaluation, you can connect to your intuition on a deeper level, your are compelled to do more research, go back to the drawing board, realize you can do better and be better.

2. MOTIVATION:

It may sound strange to hear that imposter syndrome/self-doubt is a motivator. But, yes, it is. Wondering if you could do better/should do better is a spark unto itself. Wanting to do and be better is a fundamental trait for achievement and success. All the greats of this world have pushed themselves to do better and become better. They took the time to realize that they could do and be better. Always aim to do better and reach higher. Always gave a sense if imposter syndrome.

During my 5 years in Cirque du Soleil, I continually experience Imposter Syndrome. I was surrounded by the best in the world. It intimidated at first. Then become the greatest of inspirations. I grew and thrived. I went from afraid and unqualified, to captain of my team and the example to strive for.

By questioning one’s ability, it leads to the conclusion that you can do more, dream more, and become more, BUT… only if you are hungry to do more, become more and dream more. The hunger to grow and the emotional intelligence to realize you are not the next best thing since sliced bred is an exceptional motivator. Every journey of transformation begins with awareness, realization and then acceptance that a change is needed. The arrogant and overly confident one’s (who don’t experience self doubt) fail to see this because they are so lost and caught up in their own sense of greatness.

3. HUMBLES THE HEART:

Another beautiful and positive attribute of healthy imposter syndrome/self doubt is the humility factor. If you’re humble, it means you can’t be arrogant and over confident. Arrogant people tend to be blinded by their inflated self-confidence. They therefore miss opportunities to learn and grown because they think they are the #%&#. They also tend to belittle others who they view as lesser than themselves. Humility invites people to connect. Your humility can and will inspire and empower others. Your humility is an invite for self-improvement, because you feel and know you can be and do better. It’s a Kaizen thing,

The next time you experience self-doubt or imposter syndrome, don’t feel bad, don’t feel unworthy, don't beat yourself up. Simply understand, embrace and realize that if it remains a healthy dose, it’s your friend and a sign that something can and needs to be changed. “A healthy dose!” If and when the dose becomes unhealthy, then MAYBE it’s time to beat yourself up, unless the self-doubt is so bad that it has paralyzed you. Then you have fallen into the expected conclusions that self doubt is negative. Keep it HEALTHY. I hope you always have a small sense of Imposter Syndrome to keep you REACHING HIGHER.

Just in case I hadn’t mentioned it, reaching higher is a Kaizen thing.

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

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How to become and reveal the real you

Removing our mask to show the world who we truly are is potentially one of the biggest self-imposed hurdles humans face. It takes some serious courage to be ourselves and live authentically.

We are continually bombarded by social norms and pressured by the expectations of those we value. We want to fit in, be accepted and loved. The painful irony is that if people only love our mask, then they can never truly love us. And that hurts. This toxic dilemma of the human condition invites loneliness. It denies our inability to connect on a deeper and more meaningful level with the many that need the true us. If we are all pretending, then wow, what a long play to watch and be in. Do we really have time for that?

Superficial convos at the water cooler or the bar during happy-hour serve a great purpose. They initiate an opportunity to experience more depth. Here’s the ugly double-faced side of that coin. Yes, we expanded our network and zone of influence, all the while, we present a “fake” personal brand to somebody, and now we have to keep up that facade, less be judged for being fake… OH, THE TRAGIC IRONY of wanting to make a good impression and be liked and accepted. But wait, there’s more…

Imagine a world where you showed up as you… FREE. Imagine a world where you were okay, confident and empowered to be you, void of social trepidation, not concerned, or having to impress, or keep up with the 4.7 BILLION Jones’ on social media. Wow, that’s a lot of people to impress and try to influence. Why impress them all? Why not impress the like-minded individuals whose purpose and journey compliment yours. If you were financially wealthy as hell, you’d be more inclined to take off your mask. Imagine the healthy boundaries you’d set. Imagine the people you’d eliminate from your life. Imagine the BS you wouldn’t put up with. Imagine how you’d live… damn, how cool would that be?

Over the years, I have found myself admiring those who live life unapologetically with balls the size of… well, balls that are larger than life. People love them or hate them, and they are fine with that. They say what they feel. They express their values and beliefs. They make enemies. They find meaningful, life-long relationships. Why, because when we honor, protect and honor our values, we attract that. If you interact with people with the same values, you will find you can disagree without experiencing fundamentally divisive situations.

BTW, I don’t like some of those authentic people and need to keep them far away from me, but I respect and admire them for their candor: Madonna, Steve Jobs, Elon Musk… and a few a-holes in my life that you don’t know, and probably don’t want to know (unless your values align).

This philosophy of pure honest expression and living, doesn’t mean being reckless, lacking compassion and awareness as to how your words or actions could devastate others. In your freedom and authenticity, be kind and respectful. Know when to speak and share. Know when to keep quiet for the greater good. Just don’t pretend. Pretending is manipulation. Pretending is deceit. Pretending is lying. Maybe that’s why the world has become more depressed. We are all lying, knowing that our own truth is not quite as “glamorous’ as our contrived reality or character suggests. We can lie to others but never to ourselves.

When we lie to ourselves, it becomes hard to trust ourselves. It becomes hard to look in the mirror and be proud of our character. An element of shame and guilt will slowly invade our psyche. We are then tempted to lie even more to convince ourselves of what we are pretending to be is real. But we know. The cycle repeats and repeated. We entertain destructive behaviors and develop negative habits to help us deny the shadows. That is not only emotionally and intellectually exhausting, it exhausts the soul, and who really wants that kind of #$%@ in their lives?

It’s harder, but much more simple to be you. Take off your mask.

Take off your mask and you will invite happiness through your authenticity.

Long term, the right people will find you. Long term, you will find love. Long term you will experience the sense of belonging all humans crave; even the extreme introverts will. Take off your mask and you will invite happiness through your authenticity. You may cry a few tears as you shed your fake skin, and your fake friends. It will be worth it in the end.

 If you need or want to begin that journey, check out the FREE resources on my website. They are designed to bring you value. If you are ready to do a deep dive into self transformation, connect with me to set up a complimentary discovery session to see if you are a good coaching client that I can help.

Remember to subscribe to stay in the now.

Sincerely,

VITAL ‘inspire’ GERMAINE: designing resilient mindsets that reach higher

Mindset Coach, speaker, consultant & 6-time Author

IMAGINE • CREATE • BECOME

How can you know who to trust?

There are predominantly two schools of thought when it comes to trusting people. Some are of the mindset that trust must be earned. Others trust as their default setting until proven wrong. Do you know which philosophy you subscribe to?

One thing most would agree with, is that years of trust can be destroyed within a second or a singular act. It’s really hard to rebuild once broken.

There are no guarantees when it comes to trust.

If you’ve been betrayed before when sharing too much or trusting somebody with something that is very personal, including your heart, read on. If you’ve not been betrayed read on so that you don’t get blind-sided.

“To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.”

— George MacDonald

Revealing too much can set you up for sabotage, hurt or humiliation. Vulnerability can, nonetheless, invite and initiate deep and meaningful relationships. It’s a delicate dance.

In reality, we only reveal too much if it’s with the wrong person. The right person will honor and protect your secrets, your insecurities and your wounds. The right person will protect your heart. The wrong person will use them as ammo to take advantage of you or make you a victim of their selfishness and lack of integrity. So how can you tell who to trust and how much to trust them?

Being aware of the following will help:

1. INTUITION: Obey your intuition. If you feel as much as the slightest inclination that you don’t trust a person, you’re probably right.

2. LISTEN: Really listen to what they say. People eventually tell you who they are if you listen carefully and long enough.

3. LISTEN: This is not a typo, but intentionally repeated with a slight difference. Pay as much attention to what wasn’t said. Read between the lines. There’s a lot of hidden info within the empty space and silence.

4. INTEGRITY: Pay close attention to their actions, in particular, if and when they are repeated. We all have habits and default settings that get revealed when under stress or pressure. Example; if they’re rude to the waiter (or to you for that fact) because they had a bad day, it could be a one-off situation. We all have those days where we lose our composure OR are put into a situation where are integrity is challenged or compromised; we may be cornered and feel the need to lie (in its multiple forms). However, if this bad behavior, lying or deceit repeats, chances are they have a character and honesty issue. Though we can sometimes understand a lie, it’s actually never okay, just like there is no validation to being rude and disrespectful even when the other person might have deserved it. (I’m preaching though I’m not a saint and have messed up in this department before FYI). Humans are always true to their character, in particular under pressure and when they can no longer maintain the facade.

5. APOLOGY: Can they even say sorry when they’ve lied, have been rude, disrespectful, disloyal, manipulative, abusive, inconsiderate and insensitive? If the answer is yes, that’s good news, HOWEVER! If they can’t own what they “f*&^ up in, they can’t be trusted. Note: There are 2 types of transgressions. 1: somebody independently owns up to a transgression because their conscience compels them to. 2: they fess up because they got busted. I personally judge this situation and this person differently.

There must be changed behavior if they lied or messed up. This is a great barometer to gauge earned trust levels. Sometimes people know they messed up but are too proud (or ashamed) to admit it. However, they always know if they’ve been honest or not; even the narcissist knows. If their conscience is in a good and trustworthy place (never with a narcissist), the bad behavior will slowly eat them alive and they will come clean. If they don’t ever achieve this, then don’t ever express vulnerability or trust them again… unless, they demonstrate enough effort over an extended period of time (which you will determine for yourself), with enough evidence to suggest they have changed. If this never happens, cut your losses and find a better friend, lover or boss, because your current one can’t and shouldn’t be trusted.

6. INTUITION: Same as 1. Sometimes your intuition will scream in desperation to save you that the person is not to be trusted; when meeting the cliche slimy and cheesy used car salesman, for example. You know you're gonna get taken-advantage of. Other times, the “not to be trusted vibes” are more subtle. Either way, intuition is always active and accessible. It’s something that can be developed, beginning with the awareness that you have it.

7. HISTORY/PAST: There is nothing worse than condemning somebody for their past behaviors. People do learn, grow, mature and change. However, somebody’s past shouldn’t be completely overlooked. It is potentially a red flag. Snakes shed their skins but remain snakes. If they are a narcissist, they will not change, so never be fooled by the great Oscar-award-winning acting skills. Then again, what was once an ugly lava can turn into the most beautiful butterfly. If you observe all other steps mentioned in this blog, then whether or not their past behaviors are a reason to trust of distrust them will be revealed.

IN CLOSING: Ultimately, the biggest trust red flag that you should never ignore is if and when somebody you trust violates somebody else’s trust. This means you witnessed them either lying to another person, cheating on another person, or stealing from another person… OR revealed another person’s secret to you. The odds they will do the same to you are so high that it’s best to simply not trust them! Walk away with your character and or wallet in tact.

If you have additional tips or lessons to add, if you agree or disagree, please share the value of your thoughts in the comments below.

Thank you,

Vital Germaine

President of ENGAGE Teams 360 / 6-time author / keynote speaker / mindset coach

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Mastering the art of public speaking

Wether you are speaking on a large stage or in a boardroom, communication is an opportunity to connect with other humans on a deep and meaningful level. There are a few principals that can help you bridge that gap more effectively and efficiently.

I’ve had the honor of delivering keynotes to Fortune 100 and Fortune 500 companies on large stages for over 1,500 at a time. My journey began as a toastmaster speaking for the first time, legs shaking, mouth dry like a dessert landscape and hoping nobody would notice the sweat shaping from my pores.

Here I am 7 years later having learned so much and more than happy to shorten your learning curve. Others helped me and I feel compelled to help you bring more value to the stage when you speak at a company meeting or for a larger audience. 

If you take the time to master and implement this powerful communication trifecta, you’ll take your communication skills to the next level.   

There are three pillars of a great keynote

1.   CONTENT

Know your audience. Respect your audience! 

Why:

Your objective should be to invite and initiate a decision or a pivot that will transform a person or group. In order to achieve that you must know your audience: understand their pain point or the problem they need resolved.  It’s all about the VALUE you bring to the dance.

How:

•       Always respect your audience. Knowing them will help you achieve the respect factor. 

•       Invest plenty of time in researching, creating, learning your content, and understanding your content.

•       Customize and personalize your message to the individual or group it's purposed for.

•       Realize that your content is not about you. It's about your audience.

•       Be sure to provide tools, action steps, roadmaps for them to solve a problem.  

2. STRUCTURE

Why:  

•       A solid structure directs your audience along a desirable Customer Experience path.

•       Getting into the right mindset to deliver and share that information in an engaging fashion brings great value to your audience.

How:  

•       Become an architect and design a structure that guides your audience (team members, customers) to the anticipated outcome or take-away.

•       Each touch point or step within your presentation should streamlined and effective. Minimize the clutter to be more impactful.

•       Provide tools and solutions that are easy to:

o      understand

o      remember

o      implement

To help achieve this, keep your messaging to around 3 main topics or take-aways.

3. DELIVERY

Why: 

•       Getting into the right mindset to deliver and share that information in an engaging fashion brings great value to your audience.

How:  

•       What does your audience need to hear from you to grow? 

•       Speak a language that inspires and are not respectful of your audience, regarding the delivery, then the value of your knowledge and content will be diluted, if not anemic. Why do the homework and design a great structure, to only fall short at the final hurdle?

•       Deliver a relevant and meaningful message with passion, confidence, enthusiasm and most of all... be that is easily understood. If you

•       Authentic and sincere.

Vital Germaine

If you want to do a deeper dive into developing your speaking career, click the link below to learn about my speaker coaching programs.

Vital is a reputable keynote speaker and employee engagement trainer that inspires cultural transformation by inspiring INNOVATION MINDSETS.

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