Managing and Understanding Your Anger

Anger is confusing! Toxic relationships breed anger, oftentimes fueled by ongoing disrespect. Should you be angered at disrespect or is your anger a negative, even toxic response?

Some “spiritual purists” will say that anger is bad, suggesting it means that you have relinquished your power to the other person who incited or evoked your anger. Or that anger is the sign of a non-enlightened person, victim to the human realm of darkness and doom because they are not enlightened.

So, now what?

Well, different theories appear from different factions of the human race, dependent on their belief systems, core values and biases, with neither being an absolute truth, because the human experience and any opinion on the vastness of existence and consciousness is speculation. “But the Bible says so.” “But scientists say it’s this.” Both have value and both are true if you believe in them. Not everybody does. So, truth is a multi-sided coin.

Nonetheless, when it comes to anger, it’s both “good” and “bad”.

Anger is good when it serves as a gauge or warning sign that your core values have been violated. Your anger is protecting you by inspiring an intense response to fight back and defend the essence of your character or protect something you love.

For those of you who pretend you are so enlightened you don’t get angry, I am calling BS. You simply get angry at different things but there is something out there that if it violated you, you would be “triggered” into anger for the sake of love or fear. Furthermore, you are a human, why not embrace this human experience designed to teach us what it means to be human, even if humanity is only a physical manifestation of spirit… with spirit potentially being immune to anger. But until, I transform back to spirit, I have no shame, guilt or regret at having human emotions… and neither should you.

Anger is bad, when you inflict pain, even revenge, on others. Even though it is a release of intense, and probably pent-up energy, if your emotions inflict unwarranted pain on others, then I view it as a negative. Your anger will have gotten the better of you. Losing control, though human is nonetheless, not recommended. Better to take a pause, a deep breathe and evaluate your options with a clear, yet angered mind, body and spirit. Anger usually impacts every aspect of our being… not just mindset.

Transmuting pain is how to truly control and leverage our anger. The hurt must be redirected into something that can harmlessly absorb our pained emotion: punching a bag, yelling into a pillow, running, dancing, art… the list is endless. In your emotional expression and purge, your are both protecting others and yourself as you heal. 

Anger left untreated or unreleased is really the culprit to a negative reaction.  

I do not promote self-love as it’s an invite to narcissim - I focus on selfcare through awareness (emotional intelligence - the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, as well as the emotions of others).

Through awareness and understanding of what your human experience is putting you through, (tracking the root cause of your inner pain) is the master of managing your anger. We often don’t dig deep enough to understand ourselves and our emotions. As a result, we quickly point the finger at the immediate victim or threat who perhaps only made us aware that we are carrying deep, hidden hurt, pain and resentment. If finding the source, we can begin to control and manage how we react and respond to everything and anything that happens to us or around us. What happens next, despite your humanness, is always a choice. We are forever empowered to make that choice.

In closing, anger is your friend if, and when you choose to make it so. Lose control, and it becomes your enemy, impacting your emotional, mental, spiritual, intellectual and physical state.

How to Minimize Guilt and Shame

Guilt is a combination stemming from childhood indoctrination, when we were told what to feel, who to be and what to believe and do… and our innate moral compass. Btw, your moral compass should be unique to you, because we are individuals with different life missions etc (it gets complicated).

When we negate social programming and live authentically in alignment with our most raw and honest character, core values and moral compass, we will only feel guilt when we do things that don’t align with who we truly are. In fact, when living in total alignment, you won’t be able to do anything that violates your core values because the connection to your soul is too strong. That pure, authentic connection drives every single decision you make.

Guilt, inspires shame. We feel bad because we’ve been endlessly told to feel bad. And the opposite happens, we allow ourselves to do horrible things because we’ve been told it’s okay to do so. Without having to address any specific issues, we all know of historical atrocities that were deemed acceptable at the time.

Find your true self, remove the conscious and subconscious biases, societal programming and BE AUTHENTIC. Guilt and shame will subside… unless your a sociopath or suffer from Narcissist Personality Disorder (which both are ruthless and total discconect from your soul… your soul have in fact been “possessed”).

I am a recovering Catholic (LOL) and know guilt and shame all too well.

Oh, BTW, guilt is not synonymous with remorse or regret! Remorse is inspired by #EMPATHY. And yes, guilt can lead to remorse, but is not remorse until itself.

I am a recovering Catholic (LOL) and know guilt and shame all too well.

THOUGHTS???

Vital Germaine (The Sigma Empath)

Minimizing the pain of childhood trauma

Happiness is a strange and dangerous word. It is something we pursue. It can be achieved in two different ways, depending on which philosophy you subscribe to.

1. Material pleasures: friends, money, status, toys, distractions etc

2. Giving, helping, finding purpose and meaning.

Identifying which of those two platforms “fulfill” you, can minimize the internal pain you experience due to trauma, in particular childhood trauma.

Once you’ve identified your true need, now you must become patient and strategic to create that lifestyle. Being in survival mode is not infinite, but it requires great awareness, courage and resilience to overcome.

Accepting that you are, or have been in survival mode without playing victim is the beginning of the journey to empowerment. Always be honest with yourself, even if the truth is ugly and hurts. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

None of this happens overnight!!!! Among that journey, have empathy for yourself to  combat and minimize what life due not give you.

Vital Germaine, 7-time author

ORIGINS of THE EMPATH

Well, there are two platforms or theories to consider as to the birth of THE EMPATH.

1. The first empath theory is that it’s a trauma response by which an abused child develops hyper vigilance.

2. The second platform or theory has a much more fascinating back story with an element of woo woo or paranormal.

Which ever theory you subscribe to is perhaps irrelevant because the outcome is the same. There are common traits that empaths possess, which I’ll share in a bit. But let’s begin at the beginning of the empath story.

The term empath was originally coined by Scottish author J.T. McIntosh's 1956. J.T McIntosh wrote a sci-fi story called THE EMPATH, in which these humans possessed the super paranormal ability to sense and feel other people… almost to the point of mind reading and therefore understanding what they might do next or what their intentions were. It was considered emotional telepathy. The plot thickens when the government uses these empaths to oppress workers and therefore society through a form of mind control.

And it’s perhaps this origin of the term that incites the dislike of empaths as these pretentious paranormal super beings.

The opposing theory to hyper-vigilance which makes logical and psychological sense, is the woo woo, paranormal ability theory.

I think the truth is combination of both, with more emphasis on nature over nurture. In other words, they are born, not made. Nurture will only dim or magnify the empath.

The empath is basically an HSP or highly sensitive person with elevated levels of empathy, also known as emotional intelligence… which is not paranormal.

Another way to break down the empath in alignment with modern standard psychological practices and beliefs is to compare it with the Myers Briggs scale of personality measurement. The Myers–Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), is a pseudoscientific, self-report questionnaire that indicates differing "psychological types", you can easily google it and take the test on line. It’s a highly recognized and much used platform for hiring etc. The empath is often-times categorized as what’s called an INFJ.

INFJ stands for:

• Introverted

• Intuitive

• Feeling

• Judging traits (oh oh, judging traits)

INFJ’s and empaths tend to approach life with deep thoughtfulness and imagination. Their inner vision, personal values, and a quiet, principled version of humanism guide them in all things.

Sounds about right to me. What are your thoughts on the origins and the meaning of THE EMPATH?

What are we really looking for as humans?

What are we really looking for as humans?

Maslo’s hierarchy of needs

A life void of deep, meaningful connection is empty and lonely. Authentic and genuine connection is harder and harder to find, we focus on soothing the lack of connection with shiny, social media-inspired rewards; likes, follows, admirers, being trendy, having status, addictions etc.

Through social media awareness or woke-ism, as to what others are doing, thinking, feeling, experiencing and subscribing too etc, we either find relatability (our tribe) or we face division. We do not find connection.

Connection can happen organically as two people or more meet randomly or by design. We can invite and incite connection. That means being authentic and showing the world who you are… therefore attracting those who are genuinely like-minded. But that is scary! Attraction is only the invitation to the dance. Now it’s time to actually dance and connect. Let your hair down (insecurities and fear), lose the inhibitions and shake that ass in the way you really want to. It’s unique to you.

The Six C’s of Connection

1. Curiosity - a strong desire to know or learn something, in particular, regarding who a person is. What’s their story?

2. Commonality - focusing on our similarities not our differences brings us together.

3. Caring - making people feel safe, valued and honored… EMPATHY… enables us to transcend to a higher level of consciousness driven my awareness and love.

4. Collaboration - the act of compromising for the bigger picture. This doest not mean sacrificing or violating your core values. It’s finding the areas where we can work together or thinking along mutually beneficial avenues.

5. Character - the mental or moral qualities distinctive to an individual… in showing our true character, other see who we are. If we show up authentically, people can make an informed decision as to wether or not we are a good fit. Sadly, the world is filled with greedy, selfish individuals wearing masks for pure personal gain. It’s hard to connect with somebody who is playing a game of one-sided gain.

6. Communication - there are no meaningful relationships without effective communication. This is potentially the number one reason why connections break down. Learn more.

If you have found relationships that are deep and meaningful, congratulations… stay calm and carry on nurturing them. If you haven’t, it means something needs to change. Either it’s you or your circle.

Let’s connect, even if superficially to begin with.

Vital Germaine

Finding YOU

What drives you? No, I mean really, what is your deepest, most self-defining/self-preserving emotional and psychological need/want? The answer to that question will set you free.

Go deeper than the "superficial/material" desires like, money or status. The true answer lies deeper. It's scary to look oneself in the eyes until you see your own soul for all its glories and fears. Down there, deeply hidden lies the answer to YOU… combine that answer with what you are good at, what you love doing and what brings value, and you will find your IKIGAI.

It might take a minute! It might take years, but the journey is worth it.

In Chapter 20 of my book, THINK LIKE AN ARTIST, I share a very impactful self-discovery activity to truly give you a starting point to dig deeper into who you are and what drives you.

Vital Germaine

The KAIZEN-Driven Mindset, why it's a game changer

SUCCESS IN ANY CAPACITY IS NOT RANDOM.

During my 5+ years as an acrobat and team captain in Cirque du Soleil, I observed and observed and learned so much about individual and organizational success.

Like every amazing Cirque production, they are not random. The success is directed, choreographed, inspired and produced. It means optimizing each and every aspect built on the KAIZEN mindset.

Each amazing trick that has made you gasp during a cirque show took talent, courage, risk, vision, planning communication, creativity and commitment. Once a show has been “finished” that’s when part two of the success journey begins. And without part 2, there is no Cirque.

The commitment is a KAIZEN thing.

Kaizen is a Japanese term meaning change for the better or continuous improvement. Kaizen sees improvement in productivity as a gradual and methodical process. It was created by Masaaki Imai, a Japanese organizational theorist and management consultant. In observing and studing the Toyota Production System and its Lean principles who deducted that, their success was driven by a mindset of constant optimization (on all levels).

The Cirque culture parallels the Kaizen philosophy. Each dance step, acrobatic flip, lighting cue etc. had potential to become better. The journey is never-ending. It doesn’t take great effort, only a consistent commitment to learning and growth. Done over time, the results become incredible.

Think how much you could change and reach higher if you intentionally introduced Kaizen into your personal and professional life. Small increments of growth lead to massive transformation.

Brendan Buchard said, “First, it is an intention. Then a behavior. Then a habit. Then a practice. Then a second nature. Then it is simply who you are.”

Begin the Kaizen mindset today and you’ll be amazed where you’ll be a year from now. Happy travels.

Learn more about Kaizen in my new book, THINK LIKE AN ARTIST.

Vital Germaine.

5 Decision-Making Tips

There is a "safe" strategy to optimize the outcome of your risks and minimize your losses. It’s a simple 5-Step roadmap.

1. EVALUATION: Compare and weigh out your best and worst-case-scenarios. Clearly define and understand the situation and the consequences.  Take the succesful Blackjack player. He/she, takes all aspects of risk into consideration before deciding to stick with the hand that’s been dealt or not dealt. What are the odds that the next card is what is desired? Before taking risks in your industry or business, ask such questions as:

• How influential will the value of that change be and how will the result impact your business, industry or economic landscape?

• Will the risk be too drastic or dramatic for the market to embrace?

• Do you have the time, the resources and an effective marketing strategy to subdue consumer resistance or confusion? Timing, packaging, and education of target audiences, play key roles in success or failure of any business venture, service or product.

• What can you live with in terms of loss? How much money is at stake and can you afford to lose that amount.

• What do market research percentages/data suggest? If the odds are in your favor, take the risk… consult step 2 to increase the odds or success.

2. EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE: Have a pulse on what the market is ready to embrace. If you have invested time in bullet point 1 (evaluation), then the accumulated data combined with your awareness of the market, customer purchasing behaviors and trends, will put you on track to succeeding. Be acutely aware that the market might resist regardless of how incredible the innovation is. Take into account how well your team is equipped to share the message. How much conviction and resources do you have up your sleeve to counter-act potential consumer alienation.

3. INTUITION: The great trailblazers and innovators connect with, and trust their intuition in conjunction with the element of planning and analyses (market research in business). The greats just seem to have a knack of knowing when and how to risk and expand their horizons. Intuition is not a blind act built purely on belief, it is your truest sense of knowledge. Intuition and instinct are not synonymous. Instinct is immediate and purely driven by the reptilian brain. Intuition includes your moral compass (values), gut, experience and the subconscious mind combining with your heart to tell you what is best or what is a negative vibe or energy.

Your gut or heart simply know. Modern research is showing that the heart sends more signals to the brain than the other way around. On a holistic level, the heart is connected to the source of universal knowledge. Police detective refer to this as a hunch… something they not only trust, but obey. Design a more promising future by connecting to your intuition. Leverage its power.

4. ADAPTATION: Innovation is a progressive journey that demands strategic change and adaptation. The willingness to fail along that journey is a must... there is always a period of incubation and a learning curve to navigate. Risk and innovation require patient nurturing while the product is sculpted. Without an ability to adapt, all and any risks are borderline reckless and ill-advised.

5. VISION: Let’s state the obvious. Without a clear vision (or mission), the venture is a train wreck in the making. Innovation offers no guarantees, though a plan or roadmap shortens the learning curve and the journey. Your vision should align with your core values. Integrity is a trait that delivers long term results. Your brand strength depends on it. Integrity inspires loyalty. Apple have had unsuccessful product launches, but years of integrity and honoring their vision, keeps clients coming back for the new innovation. Their clients know that Apple will quickly adapt and make it right. Think back to Microsoft’s Vista (a nightmare that took too long to fix).

The objective of all innovation is value creation. The outcome is optimized by minimizing consumer pain points and elevating the experience. It’s a tough and not so forgiving world out there. Be smart in your risk-taking.

To experience a deeper dive into the topic of risk and innovation, read the revised version of INNOVATION MINDSET - it includes new chapters and improved content. Learn to leverage your inner genius, reach higher and impact your leadership, cultural and personal mindset.

Vital Germaine

Are you really being empathetic?

We may think we are being empathetic, but most times we are not, regardless of our pure intentions. A common empathy faux pas is sharing a related incident we experienced. This may well communicate relatability, but unless we quickly shift the focus back to them and their story, we are not being empathetic.

The odds are that when somebody is sharing something painful, they first and foremost want you to simply be there with them! This means we must fully commit to making it entirely about that other person’s experience, perspective and any additional circumstances they have endured for it to be true empathy. The trap is we are influenced by our own personal agenda, needs and expectations, so we listen with every intent to understand, but we still view if from our personal perspective and may offer advice (coaching), a pep talk, or even become their motivational cheerleader. All of which bring little value to the person in need of empathy. If you are coaching or chearleading, you are not listening for their benefit. You are also not understanding their heart-ache or discomfort, but rather expressing how your current mood is optimistic. So think twice when being positive as a response to a pain-point somebody has shared. Be there for them simply by being present.

Empathy is not necessarily about resolving. It’s about feeling and being there in the way that that person needs you. A good suggestion to truly to help is to ask the person one of the following questions:

1. How can I be of value?

2. Would you like me to just listen and hold space for you?

3. Would you like to me to share some advice or perspective?

Ask these types of questions in YOUR way so that it comes across as authentic rather than scripted from a blog.

Vital Germaine

Is intuition a gift, a myth or a curse?

If you’re an intuitive, know that you live in a different time, space continuum than logical thinkers… neither better nor worse… just different. Though I personally believe intuition is a gift. Some receive it automatically. Some have to work on developing it. And it appears that some will forever be numb to its offerings, partially due to disbelief.

The seemingly lucky people in life connect with, and trust their intuition. Most will embrace intuition in conjunction with the element of planning and analyses. Intuition is not a blind act built purely on belief, it is your truest sense of knowledge. Intuition and instinct are not synonymous. Instinct is immediate and purely driven by the reptilian brain. Intuition includes your moral compass (values), gut, experience and the subconscious mind combining with your heart to tell you what is best or what is a negative vibe or energy.

Your gut and heart simply know. Don’t underestimate the power of your heart. Modern research is showing that the heart sends more signals to the brain than the other way around. Design a more promising future by connecting to your intuition. Leverage its power.  Be aware you have access to it.

The HeartMath Institute executed nineteen years of extensive research on the relationship between the psychophysiology of stress, emotions, and the interactions between the heart and brain. They concluded that the heart sends more signals to the brain than the brain sends to the heart. 

If intuition is your compass, stay calm and carry on. The greats just seem to have a knack of knowing when and how to risk and expand their horizons with brave decisions.

“The only real valuable thing is intuition.” - Albert Einstein

You may find logical thinkers unable to understand your convictions based on your gut screaming to do what simply FEELS right. How can you be so sure based on a feeling? Lieutenant Colombo always had a hunch (as do most detectives).  It’s a feeling that is deeper than thought or intellect. It stems from the heart… OR..

On a spiritual or holistic level, there is a direct correlation between intuition and the pineal gland or third eye (chakra). It is a form of awakening that connects us to the source. Meditation is a practice that will help you connect and develop your intuition. As we age and due to nutrition, environment and social programming, our pineal gland calcifies. Without nurture: exercise and stretching it can die, so to speak.

Ultimately, true intuition doesn’t need reasoning, evidence of validation. If you are caught between intuition and ego driving decisions, the ego will base decisions on Information. Not intuition, because It just is. Don’t trust it, obey. it is a channel connecting us to an all-knowing form of consciousness that gifts us with insight. It negates time and dimension because universal wisdom isn’t confined to these human-made constructs. Embrace time as non-linear and you will see that intuition is both the past, present and future converging in your gut, heart or third eye (pineal gland).

Vital Germaine

I talk a lot about intuition and the power of the heart in my book, THINK LIKE AN ARTIST.

What does empathy look, sound, feel and taste like?

Empathy consists of multiple key ingredients that unto themselves are not empathy. The following behaviors are not necessarily synonyms of empathy, but rather traits that we will highly likely demonstrate or experience due to the sharing of empathy. 

If you can communicate the following 7 traits, it will feel like your are sharing empathy. You will begin changing lives for the better and become a high-value person at home and at work.

1. Respect

2. Compassion

3. Caring

4. Relatability

5. Sympathy 

6. Understanding

7. Listening

Read the top 20 list of phrases that communicate empathy in the book PINK IS THE COLOR OF EMPATHY, chapter 26. Here are the first 5:

The below list will help you understand what empathy sounds like. By using the structure and intention of the sentences whenever somebody you care about is going through a hard time, you will develop deeper bonds--deeper intimacy.

1. That makes total sense.

2. That would have hurt my feelings too.

3. I can see that.

4. You’re in a tough spot.

5. What I admire most about what you’re doing is…

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

Help spread the love, because it changes lives… empathy saves lives.

What's the difference between KIND and NICE? You need to know this.

I hope you want to be a kind person.

Hopefully you’re not a nice person.

Why?

Being kind and being nice are often used interchangeably to describe somebody’s character. They are fundamentally very different, despite having overlapping traits. Just like cars have overlapping traits with planes (they transport people, they use fuel, they have engines, they need repairing, they can both crash…), they are entirely different.

Let’s break it down.

What I’m about to share is more philosophical than scientifically factual. It is however a reality, or truth, in the sense that perception is reality.

1. NICE? Allow me to ignore political correctness simply for the sake of making a point, and let’s be boldly honest, “nice guys finish last!” Who even came up with that phrase?

It’s a common aphorism and attributed to Brooklyn Dodgers manager, Leo Durocher. He used it to describe New Orleans baseball great, Mel Ott (Giants) due to the fact that the Giants sat bottom of the league (1946). Leo Durocher “complimented” Mel Ott, saying, “Do you know a nicer guy than Mel Ott. Or any of the other Giants? And where are they? The nice guys over there are in last place!”

The phrase stuck! It suggested lack of passion, desire or grit to win; therefore weak, submissive, easily pushed aside, not valued or respected.

Are nice guys under valued etc? Whether or not they are factually undermined is irrelevant. They are perceived as weak… this applies to all genders and non-genders (to now be PC).

Let’s go deeper by reading my book, PINK IS THE COLOR OR EMPATHY

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

How to stop being the losing "nice guy" or people-pleaser type.

If you are viewed as, or view yourself as a nice person who tends to please people and wish to change that, here’s some help:

The two most frustrating side-effects of being a people pleaser is that you exhaust yourself being so focused on the well-being of others, and that you become angry at them for abusing you OR angry at yourself. Here’s a harsh truth. You should be angry at yourself more than them. Why? Because you trained them and enabled them to treat you the way they do. Ouch!

Being a people pleaser will slowly eat away at your soul and keep your self-esteem at a low level, inviting more people to abuse or take advantage of your over-zealous generosity. You have probably already reached this level if you’re reading this. It’s time to change for you own well-being.

It’s going to take courage and time to overturn something that you’ve probably been doing your entire adulthood, if not starting in childhood. The good news is, you’ve got this one step at a time.

Let’s begin this journey of transformation by identifying the top 10 traits of people-pleasers. This is a simplified bullet pointed list from a Psychology Today article by, Amy Morin, licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist.

1. You pretend to agree with everyone.

2. You feel responsible for how other people feel.

3. You apologize often.

4. You feel burdened by the things you have to do.

5. You can’t say no.

6. You feel uncomfortable if someone is angry at you.

7. You act like the people around you.

8. You need praise to feel good.

9. You go to great lengths to avoid conflict.

10. You don’t admit when your feelings are hurt.

You may or may not have all of these 10 character traits. If you have multiple of these then the odds are you are indeed a people pleaser. If you are ready to transform into a more confident and decisive person, read on. If you aren’t ready, no worries, I am not here to please you. I am here to inspire and empower you to reach higher, grow wings and fly without a net.

How to stop being so nice; a people pleaser.

How do I know all of this? Because I’ve travelled the journey, combined with extensive research. Coaching others to transform into more confident and decisive versions of themselves has also taught me much. I’m happy and honored to share.

1. Set boundaries. People pleasers tend to not set boundaries, let alone honor them. By not setting boundaries you are fully responsible for training people how to treat you. Learn and establish a goal to set boundaries at the onset of every single new relationship moving forward, starting today! Trying yourself to say “no” to simple and seemingly meaningless things just for the hell of it. Get used to saying no! Train them to learn you are willing to say no. Focus on this if as if your life depended on it… cause it kind of does; your wellbeing is on the line.

   For the relationships that already know you to have non-existent boundaries and who are already trained to know they can take advantage of you, establishing boundaries will cause great conflict. Be ready to experience conflict, even the death of those relationships. It’s all necessary, so don’t stop honoring your mission. It’s gonna suck. Keep at it.

2. Stop looking for external validation. This will take time and a lot of inner work to find the true source of self within you. Now, keep in mind, humans are social beings and our status and self worth is influenced by how we are perceived and treated. However, deep down inside, you need to have a strong sense of self and self worth. Take time to identify your strengths and stay focused on those things about you. Slowly minimize your need to rely on compliments to feel good about yourself. It’s a process. If you start the work today and are consistent, you’ll be surprised how quickly you can change.

3. Be aware that you are trying to people-please. All beginnings start with awareness that something is not the way you’d like it to be and that change is required. Being honest with yourself and accepting that, yes, you are the “loser type, people pleaser” will hurt and be upsetting. And ironically, that realization will weaken your already fragile self-esteem. Take the punch; a standing count. Get back up and begin the fight… today! You once were a people pleaser. That was yesterday. Today and tomorrow are different.

4. Visualize yourself standing up for yourself. Practice, practice, practice. It will take a while to get good at not people pleasing. Incremental steps and small weekly goals. Ask yourself, who you do people please the most and begin changing those interactions with conviction and finesse.

   Those people will now be upset at your new boundaries. They may get (probably will get) angry and disappointed with you, claiming you’ve changed. Hell yeah, you’ve changed! The new you may even cost you relationships because they will no longer benefit from your exaggerated benevolence. Who wants to give up that kind of perk? Very few. Deja vu??? Yes, I am intentionally repeating this. They could even try to manipulate you and accuse you of being mean, cold and difficult.

   Don’t become emotional! Logic and a cool head is required to navigate this selfish mirroring and blame shifting on their part. They know full-well they took advantage of you. Be stead fast in your transformation. Keep going. New and better relationships are around the corner. Time to get a new tribe.

5. You're not responsible for the feelings or problems of others. You are not everybody’s paren or babysitter. They are adults fully capable of making independent decisions and taking action to fix their problems and challenges. That shit is not your shit to fix!

6. Honor yourself … be KIND to yourself and live authentically. Some will call this self love. I prefer self care and/or self respect. As you honor yourself and establish new and solid boundaries, it may feel as if you are being mean. A hard “no” may sound insensitive and lacking empathy. Asking to have your needs and expectations met will feel aggressive to you. Keep going. Allow the pendulum to potential swing to the other extreme. In time you will find the happy medium. But now, for once, it must be all about you. You’ve got this.

Having said all of this, please remember that in your mission to toughen up and stop being a people pleaser, it’s still okay, if not recommended to always be kind.

How can you be kind and not be a people pleaser (a nice guy who finishes last)? Read my blog, What’s the difference between being kind and being nice. You need to know! If you’re committed about changing, I can and will help. Contact me for a FREE 15 minute coaching discovery session.

If you agree/disagree, or would like to add to this blog, I’d love to hear from you. Drop a comment.

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

The art of risk taking

There is an art form to rolling the dice in order to increase the odds of a positive outcome.

Is it time to quit the job you hate, buy the house, start your business, propose to your dream partner, ask that elusive love interest out on a date? They are all scary goals. When you take risks, the objective is to optimize the outcome, minimizing loss or "failure". Growth and change offer no guarantees. How do you minimize risk and optimize the reward/success? Well, the short version is… you gonna have to take step out of your comfort zone. That can be scary. Below are 5 pillars to help you navigate that fear and optimize the outcome.

1. INTUITION: The seemingly lucky people in life connect with, and trust their intuition in conjunction with the element of planning and analyses. The greats just seem to have a knack of knowing when and how to risk and expand their horizons. Intuition is not a blind act built purely on belief, it is your truest sense of knowledge. Intuition and instinct are not synonymous. Instinct is immediate and purely driven by the reptilian brain. Intuition includes your moral compass (values), gut, experience and the subconscious mind combining with your heart to tell you what is best or what is a negative vibe or energy.

Your gut or heart simply know. Deep down inside you get a sense if the risk is the right one and at the right time. Modern research is showing that the heart sends more signals to the brain than the other way around. On a holistic level, the heart is connected to the source of universal knowledge. Police detectives refer to this as a hunch… something they not only trust, but obey. Design a more promising future by connecting to your intuition. Leverage its power. Be aware you have access to it. Meditation the practice of using it will help ou develop it.

2. REASONING/EVALUATION: Compare and weigh out your best/worst case scenarios. Clearly define and understand the situation and the consequences. Are you observing and translating the signs? Ask such questions as:

• How influential will the value of that risk be and how will the result impact your life. What can you live with in terms of loss both on an emotional and financial level? Take the Blackjack player who takes all aspects into consideration before deciding to stick with what he's been dealt, or risk his hand by requesting an additional card. What are the odds that the next card is what is desired? 

• How much money/humilitation is at stake and can your afford to lose what’s at stake?

• What do the percentages suggest? If the odds are in your favor, take the risk… consult step 1 to increase the odds.

3. ALIENATION: In terms of pure business, have a pulse on what the market or environment is ready to embrace. If the change or risk you are contemplating is too drastic or dramatic, ask yourself if you will be supported in failure. Take into account how much conviction and resources you have up your sleeve to counter-act loss of friends/romantic interest or entrepreneurial venture. Are you equipped to navigate the storm of rejection, indifference or alienation?

4. ADAPTATION: Transformation is a progressive journey that demands strategic change and adaptation. The willingness to fail along that journey is a must... there is always a period of incubation and a learning curve to navigate during decision-making or when contemplating change or transformation. Risk and growth require patient nurturing while the new is sculpted. Most times the loss hurts. Can you live with that pain, learn, get up and go again? If so, definitely take the risk. Fingers crossed. Your institution has got this.

5. OPTIMIZATION:  The risk factor is ultimately based on what you can live with or what you are willing to die for? That is the boundary that confines or liberates you in regards to how far you are willing to elevate the ceiling and stretch your mind to the desired outcome. Put all these elements into place and enjoy the rewards of your risks and transformation.

Learn more in the two book:

FLYING BEYOND THE NET leveraging your creativity to grow your wings

Sincerely.

Please follow me on:

Is the EGO friend or foe?

The EGO has been studied and analyzed by some of the great thinkers of the world. Here is a simplified break down and perspective. According to an article in Psychology Today by Mark Leary Ph.D, he says, “The concept of "ego" is among the most confusing in psychology.”

We’ve probably all heard, if not made negative comments about a person’s ego ourselves. Why, because it’s commonly viewed as a negative. Check your ego at the door. Ever heard that one? It’s as if you were entering a saloon that didn’t allow guns (cowboys back in the day), to avoid conflict or death.

“Oh, what an ego?
”(insert personal pronoun) ego is out of control / so big… they have such a big ego.”

But is the ego always a foe, or can it also be a friend? Watch the short 4-min video below to find out.

If, and a big IF, you are able to check your ego (not at the door), but in the mirror, there is potential to become and overall better human being who brings value to those they interact with; at work, at home. That will feed your ego to feel good about itself because your relationships, performance and results will increase… you’ll be more likable and more trustable. Ultimately, minimizing the ego invites and inspires authentic and meaningful connection. After all, isn’t that why we’re here, to connect?

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

7-time author

Artist

Inspirationalist

How to Easily Resolve and Minimize Conflicts... at home and at work

Conflicts are inevitable and in many ways a healthy part of human interaction. Other times, they suck!

They allow us to see and understand what is important to us and to others… the metaphoric line in the sand. However, left unresolved, conflicts fracture strong, meaningful relationships and weaken the works in progress. Resentment builds, slowly turning to anger, disdain, insult and injury.

At the heart of most conflicts is miscommunication and most importantly, lack of understanding or empathy (emotional intelligence). The key is to resolve them quickly and effectively. How do you achieve that?

Here's how.

1.  MAINTAIN an optimistic outlook… by staying optimistic and hopeful, you will experience less frustration and therefore, more calm. A calm mind doesn’t get lost in the negative ego that fuels conflict.

2.  PRACTICE Empathetic listening… it’s not always about your perspective and opinion. Taking their angle into consideration could diffuse the issue.

3.  ASK the other person to suggest a solution. This one works wonders because it empowers the other person. Often times, anger is a result of having no power or voice.

4.  SEEK to understand… most conflicts are based on misunderstanding. If you focus on understanding, you may still disagree, but it’s hard to become negative or defensive. Did I mention empathy?

5.  CONSIDER your role in the conflict and adapt accordingly. Ultimately, we are responsible for our choices and behavior and can change them at any time. We can’t change the behavior of others. Conflicts are rarely based on one person or one side. This realization is the game-changer. Unfortunately, accountability is in big part the deal breaker. Carry this responsibility well and enjoy the rewards.

6.  ACKNOWLEDGE the opinions and perspective of others. Sometimes the simple act of acknowledging somebody else’s opinion is a massive first step to resolution. Let them clearly know you see and respect their point or perspective.

7.  STATE your case tactfully. Diplomacy goes a long way. Humans are emotional beings, with some being more sensitive than others. Tact doesn’t mean being soft or compromising your stance. Tact is about optimizing your emotional intelligence to secure a positive outcome.

8.  “ATTACK" the problem, not the person. This is the one that we too easily get caught up in. The problem becomes personal and we focus on accusing the person of wrong-doing. Though wrong-doing may be the issue, the root cause lies deeper. Take time to explore the real problem.

9.  AVOID the blame game. This is something we’ve probably all done at some point; blame. It may not be your fault, but you are always responsible for how you react or respond. Not everybody is capable of personal accountability. Make sure you are capable, less run down a cul-de-sac of zero growth.

10.                ORGANIZE a necessary and concise meeting to openly discuss. Focus on the resolve. The key it to use the time effectively and strategically. If you can’t meet in person (preferably), a video conference call (zoom, Skype or…). Make sure it’s done in a relaxed environment and opportune time. Address the issue openly and using the previous 9 steps… share this list with them too and both agree and commit to following this playbook.

BRING IT ALL TOGETHER: Tap into your Emotional Intelligence and become more aware of your personal behavior, needs and emotional triggers. Become even more aware of the triggers in others. It’s a two-way street. Breathe, relax, step outside of yourself for a moment and respond from a healthy place void of stress, anger or unconscious bias. If you’ve executed all ten options and zero resolve has been established, you may be dealing with an ass%&*#. Walk away and cut your losses. It’s a long-term win win.

LEARN MORE: My online communication course has a whole session dedicated to this topic. While you’re there, you’ll obtain endless tools to improve your communication and relationships.

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

6-time author

Inspirationalist: keynote speaker / coach / trainer

How to become and reveal the real you

Removing our mask to show the world who we truly are is potentially one of the biggest self-imposed hurdles humans face. It takes some serious courage to be ourselves and live authentically.

We are continually bombarded by social norms and pressured by the expectations of those we value. We want to fit in, be accepted and loved. The painful irony is that if people only love our mask, then they can never truly love us. And that hurts. This toxic dilemma of the human condition invites loneliness. It denies our inability to connect on a deeper and more meaningful level with the many that need the true us. If we are all pretending, then wow, what a long play to watch and be in. Do we really have time for that?

Superficial convos at the water cooler or the bar during happy-hour serve a great purpose. They initiate an opportunity to experience more depth. Here’s the ugly double-faced side of that coin. Yes, we expanded our network and zone of influence, all the while, we present a “fake” personal brand to somebody, and now we have to keep up that facade, less be judged for being fake… OH, THE TRAGIC IRONY of wanting to make a good impression and be liked and accepted. But wait, there’s more…

Imagine a world where you showed up as you… FREE. Imagine a world where you were okay, confident and empowered to be you, void of social trepidation, not concerned, or having to impress, or keep up with the 4.7 BILLION Jones’ on social media. Wow, that’s a lot of people to impress and try to influence. Why impress them all? Why not impress the like-minded individuals whose purpose and journey compliment yours. If you were financially wealthy as hell, you’d be more inclined to take off your mask. Imagine the healthy boundaries you’d set. Imagine the people you’d eliminate from your life. Imagine the BS you wouldn’t put up with. Imagine how you’d live… damn, how cool would that be?

Over the years, I have found myself admiring those who live life unapologetically with balls the size of… well, balls that are larger than life. People love them or hate them, and they are fine with that. They say what they feel. They express their values and beliefs. They make enemies. They find meaningful, life-long relationships. Why, because when we honor, protect and honor our values, we attract that. If you interact with people with the same values, you will find you can disagree without experiencing fundamentally divisive situations.

BTW, I don’t like some of those authentic people and need to keep them far away from me, but I respect and admire them for their candor: Madonna, Steve Jobs, Elon Musk… and a few a-holes in my life that you don’t know, and probably don’t want to know (unless your values align).

This philosophy of pure honest expression and living, doesn’t mean being reckless, lacking compassion and awareness as to how your words or actions could devastate others. In your freedom and authenticity, be kind and respectful. Know when to speak and share. Know when to keep quiet for the greater good. Just don’t pretend. Pretending is manipulation. Pretending is deceit. Pretending is lying. Maybe that’s why the world has become more depressed. We are all lying, knowing that our own truth is not quite as “glamorous’ as our contrived reality or character suggests. We can lie to others but never to ourselves.

When we lie to ourselves, it becomes hard to trust ourselves. It becomes hard to look in the mirror and be proud of our character. An element of shame and guilt will slowly invade our psyche. We are then tempted to lie even more to convince ourselves of what we are pretending to be is real. But we know. The cycle repeats and repeated. We entertain destructive behaviors and develop negative habits to help us deny the shadows. That is not only emotionally and intellectually exhausting, it exhausts the soul, and who really wants that kind of #$%@ in their lives?

It’s harder, but much more simple to be you. Take off your mask.

Take off your mask and you will invite happiness through your authenticity.

Long term, the right people will find you. Long term, you will find love. Long term you will experience the sense of belonging all humans crave; even the extreme introverts will. Take off your mask and you will invite happiness through your authenticity. You may cry a few tears as you shed your fake skin, and your fake friends. It will be worth it in the end.

 If you need or want to begin that journey, check out the FREE resources on my website. They are designed to bring you value. If you are ready to do a deep dive into self transformation, connect with me to set up a complimentary discovery session to see if you are a good coaching client that I can help.

Remember to subscribe to stay in the now.

Sincerely,

VITAL ‘inspire’ GERMAINE: designing resilient mindsets that reach higher

Mindset Coach, speaker, consultant & 6-time Author

IMAGINE • CREATE • BECOME